SOMETHING FUNNY!
VOLUME NINE
Advantages of Being a Senior
Citizen
- Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
- In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released
first.
- No one expects you to run into a burning building.
- People call at 9 p.m. and ask "Did I wake you?"
- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
- There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
- Things you buy now won't wear out.
- You can eat dinner at 4:00 p.m.
- You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
- You get into a heated argument about pension claims.
- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize
it.
- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
- You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who
comes into the room
- You sing along with the elevator music.
- Your eyes won't get much worse.
- Your investment in health insurance finally begins to
pay off.
- Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the
weather service.
- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't
remember them either.
- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a management
size.
- You can't remember where your read this list.
A man is driving down the highway when he
gets a call from his wife.
She says, "Harry be very careful ...I just heard
on the radio that there's a car going the wrong way on the
freeway."
Harry replies, "One car? There's hundreds!"
--Shelly Berman
People who want to share their religious views with you almost
never want you to share yours with them.
If you had to identify, in one work, the reason why the human
race has not reached, and never will achieve its full potential,
that one work would be "meetings."
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them
on my knees.
Just remember, when you're over the hill, you begin to pick
up speed.
2,000 tons: Amount of cow manure
that caught fire in a feedlot near Lincoln, NE. The blaze
was attributed to heat pent up inside the piles.
4 months: Time it took to extinguish
the fire by pulling apart the pile, which had grown to 100
ft. long by 30 ft. high by 50 ft. wide.
--Sources: Boston Globe:
USA Today, Destiny Health, Associated Press
More Funnies:
Volume 1
Volume 2
Volume 3
Volume 4
Volume 5
Volume 6
Volume 7
Volume 8
|
